Rubbles of love

The book I closed months back. I had folded a page to start from there the next time. Never opened it again. Don’t know why. Don’t even feel like dusting it off.

The ash fallen on the floor. The smell of it suffocates me. Trying to get used to it, though. Can’t ask others to quit as I used to smoke sometime.

The sketch on the wall. A certain name was peeled off. Don’t know what good it did. “In dreams begins the reality” it reads. The reality is I don’t dream anymore.

The toothbrush on the shelf. It will never be used again but I still have it. Only to remind me every morning what not to do during the day.

And finally, the mirror on the wall where I see myself everyday. Generally, the worst moment of the day. This is the time I feel all the plans I am making for future are unjust. I have lost the moral ground to fall in love again.

I will never be happy, maybe. Maybe my room will always remain empty and my past will continue to haunt me forever. Rubbles of my own love, fallen all over me.

Their first kiss

She wasn’t beautiful, only presentable- as she proclaimed, a claim he never bothered to contest. Cunning, opportunistic, habitual liar and arrogant- other qualities of hers that he took some time to discover.

They met at work. He was new to the city and quite frustrated with his work. The job that he had taken up with dreamy eyes did not turn out to be what he thought. She approached as a friend in the new workplace and he thought she could be trusted. He told her a lot of things about himself and how he landed up there- only to realize later that everything that he told her as a friend would be used against him.

She wasn’t really single. She was in a relationship that she chose to accept and deny at her own will depending on situations. Despite what she claimed, he never was nursing a break up. It was a break up he engineered and he was feeling guilty about it. He told his story to her only to offload emotional burden. Little did he realize that he would be pointed fingers at for the same at a later stage. He opening his past to her made her feel that he is interested in her. At least, that is what she claimed. Since he was in his own world, he never bothered to check what she was thinking. On the other hand, she thought “there was something happening”. “Let’s go for a drink” she proposed one day. “Sure”, he replied.

It wasn’t really a date for him. He didn’t choose to wear the best clothes he had or pretend to be a party animal that he never was. A dinner with somebody he felt at ease with, that’s all he thought the deal was. She chose the place.

“Would you like a drink?”, he asked. If he knew that this question will make her think that he was trying get into her pants by offering her drinks, he sure would never have offered. Despite this, “Sure, a martini for me” -she responded.

More drinks and a little food. A whole lot of conversation. Dinner and drinks check. They decide to move out.

“There is a place close by where you get amazing coffee” she said. It was already pretty late but she insisted. They went to a restaurant that remained open throughout the night. He ordered coffee, she ordered something else. As he was having his coffee, she put her head on his shoulder. He didn’t know how to react to it. He wasn’t sure about her till then but this gesture made him believe she could be trusted-as a friend, companion. She might also be that person he would want to be with, forever, he thought. “ I wish the night never got over” he said. However, it was getting late. They called a cab and he dropped her home.

After few days and a million moments of being together, they decided to go out again. “Same place”- she said. He agreed.

They ordered drinks and food. She wanted to smoke and they went out. She told him how good she felt with him and how glittering their life would be if they were always together. She hugged him. He looked at her face and saw a certain comfort in her eyes. “Can I kiss you?” he asked. “Yes you may” she replied. They kissed each other and that’s when he made the biggest mistake of his life. He just kissed suffering that he had to go through for a long time later on.
 

Excerpt from a girl's diary-2

Thursday 10/02/2011

"See see see, my boyfriend has sent me this card. He loves me so much"- she said. "Oh my God, chooo chweet"- I had to jump off my seat and scream. But then I thought- what the f**k, just a card? So lame. Come on, Valentine's Day comes just once a year. Or maybe he has bought a better gift for somebody else ;-) Ha ha. That bi**h deserves it.

I wish somebody sent me an empty envelop, at least. Alas!

Excerpt from a girl's diary-1

Saturday. 05/02/2011

I mean...what's wrong with these guys? Very cheap. They pass comments on every girl who passes by them. "Hey beauty"- sounds so cheap. Yuck. This is not the nineties, dude. And then when I looked back, guy says "Not to you, baby. To your friend, in red". Oh thank God. Good for me, I thought.

(Afterthought- Somehow that that bi**h always looks better than me in red. Damn it. And these Levi's bas**rds never put anything my size on discount sale. This is a bloody conspiracy. I hate them. And I hate that guy too. Was he blind? Damn!!)

That's what she said :-)

You are a bastard.
You are a perfect example of people who should be dumped.
You let me down.
I will make sure you leave the city.
It’s only about looks for you. You are with me only because I am better than others around.
I am much better than you, you can never be like me.
You vernies are backward.
I wish you never get happiness in your life.
They left you for good. No one would want to spend her life with you.

She told me these and a million other things. But we are still together. Status-Committed. Sometimes I surprise myself with the things I do. Not too sure whether to be happy for being able to ignore these things or to be sad that I still haven't learnt the lessons of life.