Let there be light...

I know I have lost you. It’s been months since we last spoke and a year since we met. You have moved on and waiting to get married. On the other hand, all that I have been doing is trying to forget you, only to think of you more than the previous day. I have shed tears, have desperately waited your call, have checked my mail box ten times a day to see if you have sent anything, have jumped off the bed to see if the new sms came from you, have got up every day with a hope that may be you will look back to see if I am alive or dead-only to be disappointed every time.

But things will be different from tomorrow. Though Holi was colorless, Diwali won’t be dark. Tomorrow I will light my life up and I will light it so brightly that atleast for a few moments, your memories become invisible. Tomorrow, I will drink, I will laugh, I will shout. Tomorrow, I will start my life once again.

Bitten by reality

I know I had made her clear of my plans much before but I also understand that doesn’t make me innocent. All that has happened was a result of our mutual refusal to accept reality. On my side, while I had been preaching to be practical, all I practiced was exactly the opposite. But then, reality finds you sometime or the other and my encounter with reality happened before hers. So, while I have prepared myself, she is finding a little difficult. I understand it’s a difficult time for her. At the same time, I am thankful that she has decided to stand by me even though she is not convinced of what I am doing.

Life is contrastive. Everything that you do not want comes to you without any effort and everything that you want asks for sacrifices. Now, it’s time for me to make sure that our sacrifices do not go waste.

Life...

So the day finally came-I am not her boyfriend anymore. My relationship with her has always been beyond the term boyfriend and I never bothered if I was her boyfriend or not. But today, not being her boyfriend anymore makes me sad. As everything that has been happening in my life recently, this one was also expected. What I didn't expect was the fact that it will hurt me so badly.

Now it's time to go home, drink badly, shed some tears and pray for forgiveness, knowing very well that I cannot be forgiven.

The game of life

A broken relationship,
An abased position at work,
A fallen health,
A close to zero motivation level,

….that’s where my life stands today.

Four years back when I left home, there was nobody to see me off. My adrenalin was running high and one fine morning, I just left. The only thing I took with me was the dream of making it big. While I have achieved most of what I had set out to achieve, all this have came at a cost- my life is shattered. Not to mention, the very achievements I was once proud of are mocking at me now. I’m losing the game.

I know the journey ahead is not going to be easy but I will bring my life back to track. I will get myself all that I deserve. I know I have to take some extreme steps which will make a lot of people sad, but I don’t have any other go. It’s time to take life head on.

The moment of truth

You can never hide from truth-it will find you, in most cases, at really bad times.

I knew what I did was wrong. What bothered me more was the fact that it was against the very principles I had set for myself. I knew it will hit me back sometime. But, as time passed, I thought the chances are low. I was wrong, the time came yesterday.

It’s not that I was surprised. It was very much expected. But still, my eyes were in tears. It was one of those things that I knew was coming but I didn’t want to face. But then, you can’t really hide from truth for long. Another lesson learnt from life.

Letting go...

Letting somebody go is never easy, especially if she is the one you shared dreams with. But, when you know holding on becomes meaningless, you must decide to let go. It has taken a lot of time for me to decide on this. I don’t know if I can actually follow what I have planned, but the process must begin sometime and it looks like the time has come.