Office Office

It’s been more than a month in Bangalore and I just thought I would write about some of my office experiences. So, here they are.

Training (May 7th-11th)

Day 1

So it all started with the distribution of a thick book (400+ pages, A4 size) which almost looked like an epic. Then everybody gave their introduction, not to be surprised I was an odd man out amongst all techies. So... As I opened the book, I found only jargons. To make me more terrified, some of them were in bold. In the first session, I was busy leching at the girl in front of me and the whole second session I was just trying not to sleep. The day ended with a question/answer session and my knowledge of XML was almost compared with Osama's knowledge of peace by the trainer.

Day 2

Day 2 was equally bad.

The trainer wanted us to write some codes....I copied it from the book. Things worked. I didn't know what/how/why things happened in back end. My codes were perfectly ok but (since copied from the book).

Only thing good about the training is the girl in front has started responding to my relentless leching.

In the afternoon session, I could see dark clouds are all over.....

No more copy paste from the book is possible. Trainer wanted me to write a code and I did all kinds of error. To make things even more embarrassing, the system gives a loud beep every time you enter a wrong code. In the silent room, my system was beeping all the time, inviting unwelcome attention of others (including the girl in front)

Day 3

Third day of training was equally bad. Didn't understand the head or tail of it. To make things funnier, I identified a java program as xml program (both of them look like twins) triggering a wave of laughter in the room.

There was a case study where we had to write a program for the solution. Somehow I managed to do that with some minor errors. HOW? I don't think even god knows how :-)

Day 4

Q: So Satya, how do you find the training?
A: Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.
Q: How is the training material?
A: Superb.
Q: Any suggestions to improve the training?
A: It’s absolutely perfect, no improvement required.
Q: Anything else you want to say?
A: Why the hell am I here?????????????

Day 5

There was this case study where we had to create an application based on a given business problem. We were divided in teams. Each team divided the work amongst its members. My team gave me the job of supplying tea/coffee/snacks and of course providing moral support.

Case study finished. We got certificates.

The End.

Exercise Time (May 17th)

There was silence everywhere.

The only sound you could hear was of people typing hysterically on the keyboard.

And, suddenly this guy appeared with jeans, t-shirt and a pair of specs. Looked like any other guy in the company, but he was NOT.

He was the exercise instructor.

So the guy next to me calls me for exercise. Exercise?????? I thought I have to write some test but no, I was wrong; it meant serious exercise that we used to do every Saturday morning in school (remember those white canvas shoes :-)).

So this guy came to our bay and stood in front of us, giving us demonstrations. We followed him. Initially I felt really awkward as I thought everybody on the floor must be watching us. But no, no one was bothered. Then I was told that everybody's turn will come.

So we did some 1234 type exercises (read drills) and the session was dismissed.

The whole time, my attention was on a girl who was less bothered about the steps and more conscious as to not fall down. But, thanks to her; if she had fallen down the scroll of every other news channel would have changed from "Punjab on Fire" to "Earthquake in Bangalore".

Upside Down (May 18th)

I came in the morning and thought I'd go for tea. So, to lock the comp I pressed Ctrl+Alt+Del but may be I pressed some other button by mistake and the display became upside down. I knew its a minor problem as I keep doing it for fun at home. But, since I had forgotten the shortcut keys, I asked the guy next to me for help.

Heaven fell down......

Suddenly I see the entire office coming to see my system the same way people thronged Gansh temples when the God decided to drink milk some years back. People surrounded me to ask questions as if they have got Amar Singh after his defeat in UP. I was standing helpless.

Finally one smart guy corrected the system and it started working.