Premika

Dear, please don't get upset for I have made you the antagonist in the cycle of events. A married woman must be harsh on her past sometimes. Unless she denies her past, her present may become poisonous. My husband wishes to be the protagonist of my story. It is his inspiration that has made me take an attempt to write this epic. Even before I have written a word, he has set the stage for the best possible critique. Any inclination towards the truth will only bring havoc to my life. Therefore, please forgive me. I am his now. I cannot deny him his wish of becoming the hero of my story. You are nobody in my life today.What you think about me does't matter to me anymore.

But, I don't understand how would I even start writing. I feel my thoughts and feelings are entangled, like a messy spider's web. Which colour to apply on which portion of which picture to give him a hero's appearance and deface you, is what I am unable to decide. Even when I think of disfiguring you on the canvas, the splatter of the paint blackens my face too.

This is every artist's dilemma, maybe. If truth is what they not create, it would be a creation without a soul. If the artist doesn't look at the truth inside him but at the face of his inspiration, every picture would appear to be flawed, and every creation, fake.

(Original- Premika by Bibhuti Patnaik, Page 82-83. Premika is a critically acclaimed Oriya novel that tells a story about love, loss and repentance.)